Book Discussion: Bringing up Bebe

I hope you enjoy this repost from last summer.
I think there’s still a valid discussion surrounding this book
(including how French women lag behind American women who lag behind American men).
Let’s discuss, OK?

Bringing Up Bebe

By Pamela Druckerman

Druckerman’s Bringing Up Bebe made a splash last winter before it had even hit the shelves at bookstores. The book stirred up controversy by promising to show American mothers just how much better French mothers do it. The book wasn’t as anti-American as it was portrayed, but it was still a very entertaining read.

Druckerman’s PR folks decided to pull out all the stops by casting their lot in with Amy Chua of Tiger Mother fame. Chua’s advanced praise received the top spot on the back cover. (Spot two went to French Women Don’t Get Fat author Mireille Guiliano.) If the two of them combined isn’t enough, Chua “couldn’t put Bringing up Bebe down” and “love[s] Pamela Druckerman’s premise that parents of all cultures should be able to learn from one another.” While true, it’s laughable coming from someone whose notoriety is based on her disdain for Western mothers.

This book wasn’t a how to to French parenting but a memoir of Druckerman’s struggle to be a good mom and fit in with the French mothers who surrounded her.

Unsurprisingly, French babies are better eaters and sleepers than American babies. Dr. Michel Cohen, author of the New Basics and a French doctor transplanted in Tribeca, recommends that parents pause before responding to their crying newborns. He says this gives the infant a chance to self soothe and sets them up for successful sleep. In The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Harvey Karp makes the same recommendation to teach toddlers patience.

As far as eating is concerned, French infants eat four times a day by two to three months old. This schedule encourages good eating habits. As they age, French children are introduced to a world of wonderful foods, which they eat and enjoy. French mothers know they have to keep trying to get their kids to eat new foods.

I was fascinated by all the government-paid perks that French women get, including perineal retraining and subsidized daycare. Thanks to that subsidized daycare, very few Parisenne women stay at home. Despite that, French women lag behind American women in some major regards including:

• a larger earnings gap between men and women,
• fewer women in the legislature and heading larger corporations, and
• French women spend 89% more time doing household work and caring for their children than men do.

According to Druckerman, an indication of rampant sexism in France is that post partum perineal retraining is often used to keep French husbands satisfied, not to help women. I do think the government benefits parents receive might help French mothers feel better about the discrepanices.

In the end, I can conclude that Chua was right, using tips from other cultures can be good for us as parents. I think that does neeed to go both ways; Western mothers aren’t all overindulgent and sometimes we do say no to our children.

What do you think of this book? Do you have any thoughts on the discrepancy between American women and French women?

The Work-Life Balance Debate

Work-life balance has been a hot topic of debate lately, but a lot of the debate seems to be missing the point. A lot of the debate has focused on women having a flexible schedule and women being able to have a healthy work-life balance. But where are the men in this discussion?

Anne-Marie Slaughter, who really kicked off the recent focus on this debate with her controversial (but very interesting and correct) piece in The Atlantic, says it’s not all about women. At SXSW a few weeks ago, she said “that if we want better choices for women, we have to want better choices for men.” She also shared that she has received responses from men following her piece in the Atlantic; responses that indicated that men aren’t as concerned about the balance their wives have, but they are concerned about the balances their daughters will some day have. Irony, you’re alive and well in the debate over work-life balance.

What do you think about the role of men in the debate over work-life balance? Also, check out this great post on Breadwinning Mama. 

On Being Perfect, Part 2

read Part 1 here

The conference room was full. The oval table that filled the long room was itself full with a few extra people sitting in chairs lined around the perimeter. The meeting’s casual appearance belied its importance: It was my first meeting with a lot of my higher ranking coworkers. It was my chance to prove my commitment and my knowledge.

I had just started to use Cozi.com, and its free Android app the week prior, and I felt pretty smugly satisfied with my success at juggling multiple calendars. My meeting was scheduled until 5:00 but realistically could last until 5:30. Nick was all set to pick Claire up from daycare.

But then I saw a missed call on my phone and a new voicemail. I surreptitiously checked my missed calls. It was daycare. I snuck out of the room during a slower, less critical part of the meeting to check my voicemail. And my scheduling smugness evaporated. Claire was supposed to be picked up at 4:00. It was 4:10. I quickly arranged with Claire’s provider to leave her with her responsible teenage daughters.

After my meeting, I called Nick who confirmed that he’d picked Claire up. It seemed to be fine. Except I couldn’t stop worrying about it. It almost completely consumed my thoughts on the drive home.

I revealed here that I’m no stranger to worrying about my shortcomings. I feel like I’ve made progress since then, but I also feel like the harder I try to remember everything the more mistakes I’ve made. This week alone I’ve made two grocery store trips: on trip one I forgot a bag of purchased items and on trip two I replaced those items but forgot to buy the chicken nuggets that are crucial to my toddler’s diet.

Sometimes it’s easy to laugh off my forgetfulness. Claire and I laughed at my silliness after I’d confirmed that I’d left the items on my first trip (most likely in the shopping cart) and received a refund. Or I remind myself that I remember the really important things. My phone and/or my purse might be lost, but I have Claire! But other times I mentally beat myself up about it. (And, let me tell you, I’m very brutal mentally.)

So, how am I dealing with this (besides not well)? Notebooks, lists, sticky notes, Cozi.com and the Cozi app. I write things down as I recall them; I make lists. And, most of all, I enter events into my Cozi calendar ASAP because it’s not Cozi’s fault if I don’t enter an appointment.

Do you struggle with trying to be perfect? Anxiety? How do you cope and/or overcome?

To read more of my thoughts, follow me on Twitter. For more book reviews, books I’ve read and books I want to read, find me on Goodreads. And of course, don’t forget to check out my Pinterest to see all the craft and home decor projects I’ll probably never do and some cool book and social media pins.

Two Weeks Back at Work

And all goes well. At work at least. Home’s not terrible, but the transition hasn’t been smooth. Laundry is piled high. As are the dishes.

My first day back at work was Monday the seventh. I woke up nervous but excited for my new opportunity. But Claire, well, that little sweetheart woke up with a barky cough. Nick wasn’t much better after pinching a nerve between his neck and shoulders on Saturday.

Nick immediately announced that he would stay home with Claire, so I got ready and headed off for my first day. My day went well, and Nick sent me a text that Claire felt better and was at daycare. And–good news–he had an interview at 3:00 (turned out to be a questionable interview). Day one down and things are OK.

Then day two dawned and Nick was feeling some cold-like symptoms. He stayed home by himself, and I came home after work and provided all the child care while Nick slept. Day 3 and Nick went to the doctor–ear infection, etc. He was prescribed some meds and felt pretty good after one dose.

Thursday and Friday went smoothly–that is except the car fire on the highway (not my car) that made me late by a couple minutes. But then Nick picked Claire up from daycare, and we learned that she had been misbehaving all week, requiring more attention from our provider who was now requesting $5 more a week–extortion! What bothered me most about this (besides someone saying bad things about my kiddo–the nerve!) is that she hadn’t indicated an increase in bad behavior all week. Claire usually has a time out or two a day, and we’re working on the behaviors that lead to them, but I hadn’t heard that things were getting worse. That’s a communication issue that we need to work on. (I’ll share more about this later.)

As upset as that made me, I felt better when I got home and saw two bottles of wine and a dozen pink roses waiting for me on the counter. Three glasses later and the problems of the world no longer bothered me.

Rolling around to week two and Claire woke up crying on Tuesday morning. Her right ear hurt her badly, so I brought her into our bed. Thirty minutes later and she threw up on the bed. Nick stayed home with her again, and took her to the doctor. She had a rough day, but she started perking up around 8 p.m. (and still went to bed on time!!).

The last few days of the week have actually gone smoothly. Claire’s behavior is improving (also more on that later), I’ve made it to meetings on time (and even early), and most of the dishes are clean. I have no doubt that we will continue to have struggles, and that being a working mom again won’t be easy, but I’m happy about working and having the wonderful family that I have. I’m blessed!

It’s Monday! What I’m Reading!

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? is a weekly meme hosted by Sheila at Book Journey.
Check out my previous Monday reading posts here. 

Well, fellow readers, today is a big day for me. It’s my first day at my new job, so please wish me luck!

To start off the week, I’ll be finishing the first half of

I’m participating in an online book club discussion of this book in two parts. So far, it’s been good. I hope to learn some great money management tricks from the book!

Later in the week, I’ll start reading

I’ve definitely hit the toddler phase that I’m unsure how to handle properly.

What are you reading this week? Have to read any great money or parenting books?

To see more books I’ve read, am reading or plan to read, check me out on Goodreads.

Interesting Reads, Vol 4

in which I share links to things that caught my attention

The Atlantic reveals that China has hipsters, too.

Caroline Fraser edited a new collection of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House books and included many historical notes. I want this! (I’ll be starting a review series of Wilder’s Little House books this spring concluding in July when I attend one of the pageant plays.

The male/female pay gap still exists. ::Sad Face::

Social Media Today shared their predictions for social media trends in 2013.

Have you read anything interesting lately?

Inspiration Abounds

Within the last year I realized I wasn’t as creative as I once was (or at least as creative as I once thought I was). My life has changed a lot in the past five years, and while that’s been a good thing, it’s definitely had a huge impact on my creativity. Not being creative has been a struggle for me, and I haven’t felt like myself. I haven’t felt like I could solve problems as effectively as I used to. And I was missing the stress relief creative endeavors provided me. About six months ago, I was ready to change this. So, I took some time to think about what I can do to feel inspired.

I read a variety of things that inspire me in many ways. A sentence, a word, an impression can all inspire creative ideas and solutions. I read some materials regularly because I often find something thought-provoking or inspiring. I enjoy The New Yorker, The Atlantic, The New York Times, NPR and Vanity Fair. If I don’t find inspiration in any of these, I’ve at least enjoyed some quality reading time and probably learned a little something.

Whether it’s a beautiful sight or just the relaxing walk, I find nature to be a great source of inspiration.

People, places and scenery can all inspire me, too. A look, a color, a texture: it all inspires me. For this reason, I love being in nature. I enjoy camping, hiking and boating.

To absorb inspiration from what I read, see and experience, I need to be open to inspiration. Being open to inspiration doesn’t mean I’m on the hunt for it. It means my mind and body are relaxed, and I’m fully immersed in what I’m doing. If I’m reading an article in Vanity Fair, I’m relaxed and involved in the article, absorbing its content. If I come across something that inspires me, I take a moment to think about it and even write my thoughts down. (I keep a notebook handy for these occasions.)

Reading, thinking and being open to inspiration has proven very successful for me. But, if for some reason, it doesn’t work there’s always Pinterest. I can spend hours there and feel super creative!

Book Review: Bringing Up Bebe

Bringing Up Bebe

By Pamela Druckerman

Druckerman’s Bringing Up Bebe made a splash last winter before it had even hit the shelves at bookstores. The book stirred up controversy by promising to show American mothers just how much better French mothers do it. The book wasn’t as anti-American as it was portrayed, but it was still a very entertaining read.

Druckerman’s PR folks decided to pull out all the stops by casting their lot in with Amy Chua of Tiger Mother fame. Chua’s advanced praise received the top spot on the back cover. (Spot two went to French Women Don’t Get Fat author Mireille Guiliano.) If the two of them combined isn’t enough, Chua “couldn’t put Bringing up Bebe down” and “love[s] Pamela Druckerman’s premise that parents of all cultures should be able to learn from one another.” While true, it’s laughable coming from someone whose notoriety is based on her disdain for Western mothers.

This book wasn’t a how to to French parenting but a memoir of Druckerman’s struggle to be a good mom and fit in with the French mothers who surrounded her.

Unsurprisingly, French babies are better eaters and sleepers than American babies. Dr. Michel Cohen, author of the New Basics and a French doctor transplanted in Tribeca, recommends that parents pause before responding to their crying newborns. He says this gives the infant a chance to self soothe and sets them up for successful sleep. In The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Harvey Karp makes the same recommendation to teach toddlers patience.

As far as eating is concerned, French infants eat four times a day by two to three months old. This schedule encourages good eating habits. As they age, French children are introduced to a world of wonderful foods, which they eat and enjoy. French mothers know they have to keep trying to get their kids to eat new foods.

I was fascinated by all the government-paid perks that French women get, incluidng perineal retraining and subsidized daycare. Thanks to that subsidized daycare, very few Parisenne women stay at home. Despite that, French women lag behind American women in some major regards including:

• a larger earnings gap between men and women,
• fewer women in the legislature and heading larger corporations, and
• French women spend 89% more time doing household work and caring for their children than men do.

According to Druckerman, an indication of rampant sexism in France is that post partum perineal retraining is often used to keep French husbands satisfied, not to help women. I do think the government benefits parents receive might help French mothers feel better about the discrepanices.

In the end, I can conclude that Chua was right, using tips from other cultures can be good for us as parents. I think that does neeed to go both ways; Western mothers aren’t all overindulgent and sometimes we do say no to our children.

Do you have any thoughts on this book?

Book Discussion: Secrets of Six-Figure Women

Secrets of Six-Figure Women

By Barbara Stanny

As women we often discount ourselves. Most of us know is bad for us mentally and physically, but it’s also bad for our careers. As modern women, careers are a large part of our lives if not ourselves. It’s time we start to refocus on ourselves. Reading this book is a step in the right direction.

Secrets of Six-Figure Women is a quick, engaging read chock full of excellent advice. Stanny, whose father was a successful and recognized businessman, was a chronic underearner who set out to learn the secrets of successful women. What she learned was both surprising and expected.

For example, I was surprised to learn that many of the six-figure women didn’t work unGodly hours. Many have taught themselves to focus and work as little as four hours a day, and they’re even more successful than when they’d worked four hours by 8:00 a.m.

While surprising, I’m fully in support of this. What’s the point of making six-figures if you can’t enjoy it? (This is a rhetorical question. Life is meant to be lived; not worked.)

It wasn’t surprising at all that Stanny found belief in oneself, hard work, education, and talent to be the most important factors to her interviewees success. These are four marked characteristics that I would list for successful women.

Stanny also found that six-figure women have a profit motive (they expect to be well compensated), audacity (they often step outside their comfort zones), resilience, and encouragement. She also learned that the women were self aware, were non-attached, and had financial know how.

Stanny is quite quotable in this book. Her writing is strong and her insight deep. Her quotes are the type I’d want to embroider on a pillow, if I had the patience to embroider. Some of her most quotable lines include the following:

“[T]he moment we stop waiting and start acting, we have the opportunity to walk through a doorway to a richer, fuller, more abundant life.” (page 73)

“Our state of mind shapes our way of life.” (page 74)

“To really change your financial situation, you have to let go of that part of yourself that stands in the way of greater abundance.” (page 117)

Of course you can’t write a book about women succeeding in the workplace without addressing sexism. According to the women interviewed, there are two ways to handle sexism: 1) shake it off or 2) leave the organization.

Shaking it off would be a good idea for minor instances of sexism, the cases in which proving oneself will help eradicate a sexist culture or superior. But sometimes the culture is so bad that you just need to leave. I know it’s sometimes hard to leave when we want to change the culture, but it’s not always possible, especially when the culprit is an older man. Some people need to age out of the workforce before we can change negative corporate cultures.

Success sometimes requires adequately handling sexism.

This only addresses the cases when women have a choice to stay or leave. When a woman is forced out due to sexism, she has to do something about it.

Stanny ends with a little last minute advice:

“Claim your power. Value yourself, honor yourself, take all your desires to heart.”

What do you think? Do you have any tips to help women achieve six-figure success? Do you agree with the two ways to handle sexism? I’d love to hear your thoughts.