On Dance Class & Teaching Self Esteem

I’ve been tired lately, still trying to kick the virus that took me down a couple weeks ago. No surprises here, but I’m still working on Dracula. Enjoying it, but falling asleep at the drop of a hat. Here’s a little something different today.

“We’re looking for a class that will help her grow, so she could dance professionally,” Nick said.  Nick, Claire and I were touring the dance studio and asking questions about their program. I’m sure it’s not the first time the question had been asked, so the Director was ready with a response about the quality of their classes, the music they use and the moves they teach. It seemed pretty satisfying to Nick.

But I was a little unsure. I mean I’m happy to have Claire in a quality studio with good music and no inappropriate dance moves. But what am I looking for in Claire’s dance education? Were we looking for a professional-level education? Why were we looking to put her in dance class?

I do want to provide Claire with as many enriching opportunities as possible, so she can explore things that interest her. I want her to develop self esteem. To learn what she enjoys and what she’s good at. And I don’t want to limit her future abilities because I didn’t encourage her early on.

Research has stated that children who are involved in sports (and I consider dance a sport) have higher self esteem. I don’t strictly believe that; I think that’s only the case with kids who are good at the sport. The others–the benchwarmers or, worse, the kids who often embarrassingly play equal time–are probably resentful, sad or thinking about something other than the activity they’re involved in.

Then there are the activities in which all participants get a trophy. I’ve always thought it would be better to not waste money on the trophies and make it cheaper for kids to participate. Building a kid’s self esteem is a worthwhile endeavor, except when you’re rewarding him or her for something he or she isn’t good at. What happens when that kid faces a real challenge? Does that cause a self esteem crisis?

As a child and teenager, I was a fast sprinter. I did build a lot of self esteem because I won a lot. I sometimes wonder if that esteem alone is what carries me through the day or what portion of it exists still to this day.  What I know I took from that experience is an understanding of my own strength and determination. And, I suppose, a certain amount of self esteem solely based on knowing what I was capable of when I put my mind to it.

Encouraging Claire to explore and find what she’s good at seems to be a great way to help her build self esteem and find out a little more about herself. Additionally, activities like dance teach some much needed coordination to preschoolers, including some of the skills she’ll be tested on before kindergarten. Hopefully she’ll also learn some good skills like determination and dedication. And, if she becomes a professional dancer, then I can be satisfied that Nick and I helped her get there by putting her in dance early.

What do you think about kids’ activities? Is it to help them build self esteem?

Book Discussion: Bringing up Bebe

I hope you enjoy this repost from last summer.
I think there’s still a valid discussion surrounding this book
(including how French women lag behind American women who lag behind American men).
Let’s discuss, OK?

Bringing Up Bebe

By Pamela Druckerman

Druckerman’s Bringing Up Bebe made a splash last winter before it had even hit the shelves at bookstores. The book stirred up controversy by promising to show American mothers just how much better French mothers do it. The book wasn’t as anti-American as it was portrayed, but it was still a very entertaining read.

Druckerman’s PR folks decided to pull out all the stops by casting their lot in with Amy Chua of Tiger Mother fame. Chua’s advanced praise received the top spot on the back cover. (Spot two went to French Women Don’t Get Fat author Mireille Guiliano.) If the two of them combined isn’t enough, Chua “couldn’t put Bringing up Bebe down” and “love[s] Pamela Druckerman’s premise that parents of all cultures should be able to learn from one another.” While true, it’s laughable coming from someone whose notoriety is based on her disdain for Western mothers.

This book wasn’t a how to to French parenting but a memoir of Druckerman’s struggle to be a good mom and fit in with the French mothers who surrounded her.

Unsurprisingly, French babies are better eaters and sleepers than American babies. Dr. Michel Cohen, author of the New Basics and a French doctor transplanted in Tribeca, recommends that parents pause before responding to their crying newborns. He says this gives the infant a chance to self soothe and sets them up for successful sleep. In The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Harvey Karp makes the same recommendation to teach toddlers patience.

As far as eating is concerned, French infants eat four times a day by two to three months old. This schedule encourages good eating habits. As they age, French children are introduced to a world of wonderful foods, which they eat and enjoy. French mothers know they have to keep trying to get their kids to eat new foods.

I was fascinated by all the government-paid perks that French women get, including perineal retraining and subsidized daycare. Thanks to that subsidized daycare, very few Parisenne women stay at home. Despite that, French women lag behind American women in some major regards including:

• a larger earnings gap between men and women,
• fewer women in the legislature and heading larger corporations, and
• French women spend 89% more time doing household work and caring for their children than men do.

According to Druckerman, an indication of rampant sexism in France is that post partum perineal retraining is often used to keep French husbands satisfied, not to help women. I do think the government benefits parents receive might help French mothers feel better about the discrepanices.

In the end, I can conclude that Chua was right, using tips from other cultures can be good for us as parents. I think that does neeed to go both ways; Western mothers aren’t all overindulgent and sometimes we do say no to our children.

What do you think of this book? Do you have any thoughts on the discrepancy between American women and French women?

Brief Book Discussion: 1-2-3 Magic

1-2-3 Magic
By Thomas W. Phelan

Claire is, to put it mildly, very spirited. Girl is full of sass and vinegar, which isn’t a surprise because she’s just like me. Knowing that, I can anticipate that my hands will be full with her.

When I reread my notes from this book last night, I paused and read this quote several times. It was so powerful, and the more I read it, the deeper it sank into my head. I read it to Nick, paused and said, “It makes a lot of sense with Claire’s behavior. Doesn’t it?” We both nodded as we realized we need to learn to maintain our calm when she’s pushing us.

This is definitely a good read. If you have a toddler, check it out!

It’s Monday! What I’m Reading!

It’s Monday! What Are You Reading? is a weekly meme hosted by Sheila at Book Journey.
Check out my previous Monday reading posts here. 

Well, fellow readers, today is a big day for me. It’s my first day at my new job, so please wish me luck!

To start off the week, I’ll be finishing the first half of

I’m participating in an online book club discussion of this book in two parts. So far, it’s been good. I hope to learn some great money management tricks from the book!

Later in the week, I’ll start reading

I’ve definitely hit the toddler phase that I’m unsure how to handle properly.

What are you reading this week? Have to read any great money or parenting books?

To see more books I’ve read, am reading or plan to read, check me out on Goodreads.

Book Review: Bringing Up Bebe

Bringing Up Bebe

By Pamela Druckerman

Druckerman’s Bringing Up Bebe made a splash last winter before it had even hit the shelves at bookstores. The book stirred up controversy by promising to show American mothers just how much better French mothers do it. The book wasn’t as anti-American as it was portrayed, but it was still a very entertaining read.

Druckerman’s PR folks decided to pull out all the stops by casting their lot in with Amy Chua of Tiger Mother fame. Chua’s advanced praise received the top spot on the back cover. (Spot two went to French Women Don’t Get Fat author Mireille Guiliano.) If the two of them combined isn’t enough, Chua “couldn’t put Bringing up Bebe down” and “love[s] Pamela Druckerman’s premise that parents of all cultures should be able to learn from one another.” While true, it’s laughable coming from someone whose notoriety is based on her disdain for Western mothers.

This book wasn’t a how to to French parenting but a memoir of Druckerman’s struggle to be a good mom and fit in with the French mothers who surrounded her.

Unsurprisingly, French babies are better eaters and sleepers than American babies. Dr. Michel Cohen, author of the New Basics and a French doctor transplanted in Tribeca, recommends that parents pause before responding to their crying newborns. He says this gives the infant a chance to self soothe and sets them up for successful sleep. In The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Harvey Karp makes the same recommendation to teach toddlers patience.

As far as eating is concerned, French infants eat four times a day by two to three months old. This schedule encourages good eating habits. As they age, French children are introduced to a world of wonderful foods, which they eat and enjoy. French mothers know they have to keep trying to get their kids to eat new foods.

I was fascinated by all the government-paid perks that French women get, incluidng perineal retraining and subsidized daycare. Thanks to that subsidized daycare, very few Parisenne women stay at home. Despite that, French women lag behind American women in some major regards including:

• a larger earnings gap between men and women,
• fewer women in the legislature and heading larger corporations, and
• French women spend 89% more time doing household work and caring for their children than men do.

According to Druckerman, an indication of rampant sexism in France is that post partum perineal retraining is often used to keep French husbands satisfied, not to help women. I do think the government benefits parents receive might help French mothers feel better about the discrepanices.

In the end, I can conclude that Chua was right, using tips from other cultures can be good for us as parents. I think that does neeed to go both ways; Western mothers aren’t all overindulgent and sometimes we do say no to our children.

Do you have any thoughts on this book?